Monophobia, Mazeophobia and the likes

A roomie of mine commented some days back that "Even when we are about to get something we have always wanted, we would still be scared when it comes our way." It felt true at that time (although she wasn't commenting about me). I was about to go onsite for the second time. I had been wanting it for months. Yet when it finally came along, I was scared. Unlike last time, I was better prepared. I knew exactly the procedure at the airport. I had booked my accommodation. I knew how to reach there. I knew what I am supposed to work on. But there still lurked the fear and it stemmed from the fact that I was going to be alone in a foreign land.

In the flight there was a mother-daughter duo who sat next to me. The father and son were in seats close by. The family of 4 were going on a 15 day vacation to various places in US. Every once in a while, the father would come along to check if the mom-daughter needed anything and sometimes he would get them something to drink. I missed my family every time I saw the love they shared. And I envied the fact that the father was there to take care of everything for his family.

I saw a movie called "Wake Up Sid" in the flight. I have a close friend whom I refer to as Sid sometimes because he is someone who resembles Sid in a lot of ways (cool, creative, caring and looks a lot like Ranbir Kapoor). I started missing him thanks to the movie.

There were so many breathtaking views I saw from the plane window. At times I couldn't distinguish whether it was a thick cover of clouds or a landmass covered with snow. I was smiling excitedly like a child when I spotted The Statue of Liberty from the plane. The oceans and the landmass are sometimes so huge that even when at the speed of a Boeing 777, you get the feeling you are not moving at all. I felt so insignificant when I spotted the humongous oceans. If the plane were to crash into one, I would be lost in no time. Dead alone. I love the take offs. I love the gradual increase in speed, then full throttle on the runway and then zooming off to the skies. Landings are not that exciting. I wanted my brother to be next to me to share my excitement and to share those amazing sights. But there was no one whose shoulders I could pull and squeak excitedly on spotting the Statue or Hudson or anything.

I reached JFK and I remembered the last time when I was wary about going alone in a Taxi. This time there was a black guy cab driver who didn't know the address I wanted to go to. But I sat and I wasn't afraid to be alone this time I don't know why. He used a GPS and got me to my location.

I am poor with directions. I can get lost very very easily and it scares me to venture too far alone. But I had to go to a grocery store which is about 1.4 miles from where I stay here. The last time I walked there was with a colleague about 5 months back and since I didn't have to care about finding my way back, I wasn't paying complete attention to the route. So, today when I set out to go alone to the store, I was scared of getting lost. I was scared that I would be walking 1.4 miles of nearly deserted roads with no pedestrians but just cars zooming by. But I pushed myself out of the room, found my way to the store and made it back without getting lost and I felt proud of it. Next time I would like to try going alone to NYC and making it back. Wish me luck :)

I like to be alone sometimes. But there are lots of times when I need someone to be with me. I can probably find my way back from NYC too. But there is nothing like a comforting feeling when you know that there would be someone to hold your hand and get you back should you get lost. And there would be nothing more fun than having someone to walk around with on the roads of NYC.