Few days back, I happen to play this game with my friends where they had to say a good thing(s) and a bad thing(s) about me. Someone I regard as my closest of friends started off with the bad things first:
- I need to be more social. I need to talk more with people.
- I am prejudiced. I believe in what I read and hear.
We were on a vacation and I was going through a bad time for some reason (I cannot say if it was valid enough to give my friend a hard time). I agree with his first point. I have always been introvert and I was more so during that time. I have this way of building walls around me when surrounded by people. People have laughed about me being so quiet. My mother has rebuked me for the same. That was a long time ago and she loves me for who I am today. And perhaps so do the people who poke fun at my introvert behavior.
I do not quite agree with his second point though. Perhaps he is prejudiced that I am prejudiced. I believe I have been open minded and accepting of a lot of things that quite a lot of other people would not. But I was not allowed to defend myself (although my friends did defend themselves when it was my turn to bring up their negative points :)).
When it was the good point(s) time, he told me I was like an ant - hardworking and easy going. I was expecting a little more (may be a lot more) considering that he knew me the best of all people. I felt disheartened for it matters to me what he thinks of me. And the above made me think that perhaps he thought I am not good enough as his other friends. I felt isolated and lonely.
It was may be entirely my fault. I could have taken it with a pinch of salt rather than piling it on my brain. The above doesn't sound so bad now. It is all true. I concocted some potion with the above ingredients. It tasted awful then since it added to how lonely I was feeling. It tastes better now that I have had time to cool it off. The point is sometimes everyone needs a sugar coating. Sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on and not a cold shoulder.
You tell a kid to not eat an ice cream on a cold day. He doesn't listen to you and has it anyways. He falls sick the next day. He doesn't want you to say "I told you so". He'd rather you just comforted him and told him he was going to be okay. He is already suffering. There is a line in a movie Wicker Park - "I am not going to apologize for what I did because I have to live with it". There are times when you get away with your mistakes. There are times you feel you are being punished more severely than you deserve. It evens out.
There is a guy who takes the same bus as I do everyday and gets off at the same stop. Couple of days after that vacation game (I was still feeling low), he walked up to me and said, "I am not sure if I should say this, but I want to. Please don't take this the wrong way. I think you look gorgeous. You look really beautiful". He is a little more than a stranger to me. We say "hi" some days to each other and have talked a bit few times and that is the extent of my acquaintance with him. I thanked him for the compliment and smiled after days.
I do not believe his compliment entirely but I will take it today. Sometimes a Photoshop'd picture is what you need rather than a mirror.
- I need to be more social. I need to talk more with people.
- I am prejudiced. I believe in what I read and hear.
We were on a vacation and I was going through a bad time for some reason (I cannot say if it was valid enough to give my friend a hard time). I agree with his first point. I have always been introvert and I was more so during that time. I have this way of building walls around me when surrounded by people. People have laughed about me being so quiet. My mother has rebuked me for the same. That was a long time ago and she loves me for who I am today. And perhaps so do the people who poke fun at my introvert behavior.
I do not quite agree with his second point though. Perhaps he is prejudiced that I am prejudiced. I believe I have been open minded and accepting of a lot of things that quite a lot of other people would not. But I was not allowed to defend myself (although my friends did defend themselves when it was my turn to bring up their negative points :)).
When it was the good point(s) time, he told me I was like an ant - hardworking and easy going. I was expecting a little more (may be a lot more) considering that he knew me the best of all people. I felt disheartened for it matters to me what he thinks of me. And the above made me think that perhaps he thought I am not good enough as his other friends. I felt isolated and lonely.
It was may be entirely my fault. I could have taken it with a pinch of salt rather than piling it on my brain. The above doesn't sound so bad now. It is all true. I concocted some potion with the above ingredients. It tasted awful then since it added to how lonely I was feeling. It tastes better now that I have had time to cool it off. The point is sometimes everyone needs a sugar coating. Sometimes you need a shoulder to cry on and not a cold shoulder.
You tell a kid to not eat an ice cream on a cold day. He doesn't listen to you and has it anyways. He falls sick the next day. He doesn't want you to say "I told you so". He'd rather you just comforted him and told him he was going to be okay. He is already suffering. There is a line in a movie Wicker Park - "I am not going to apologize for what I did because I have to live with it". There are times when you get away with your mistakes. There are times you feel you are being punished more severely than you deserve. It evens out.
There is a guy who takes the same bus as I do everyday and gets off at the same stop. Couple of days after that vacation game (I was still feeling low), he walked up to me and said, "I am not sure if I should say this, but I want to. Please don't take this the wrong way. I think you look gorgeous. You look really beautiful". He is a little more than a stranger to me. We say "hi" some days to each other and have talked a bit few times and that is the extent of my acquaintance with him. I thanked him for the compliment and smiled after days.
I do not believe his compliment entirely but I will take it today. Sometimes a Photoshop'd picture is what you need rather than a mirror.
You know I could have typed a longer comment that this one, but I cant type with my hands nailed to a tree.
ReplyDeleteWhen you ask people for feedback they are giving feedback on the interface you expose to them and can only come close to describing you as a person. Every individual is unique in his own way and you are no different.
I started off with "I believe or I think.." and I ended my statement saying -" I dont know; I could be wrong." You are free to take/ignore it. But please dont think about it too much and risk a brain hemorrhage.
If you can settle down, talk to me.
Thank you.
The title of the post says it all...you held a mirror to my face and I can understand that I was seeing a reflection of myself the way you see it (the interface I exposed). I already accept it all and hence I wrote "It was may be entirely my fault. I could have taken it with a pinch of salt rather than piling it on my brain. The above doesn't sound so bad now. It is all true.". I settled and cooled off on the day I wrote that post.
ReplyDelete